I Can’t Be This Protagonist

Yan Shuang is an old veteran of the Transmigration Bureau. Once he finishes one last book, he’ll be able to make a lump-sum withdrawal of the pension he’s accumulated across various books and live a happily retired life. There’s good news once he enters the book — He’s the protagonist. Bad news? — He’s the protagonist of an angsty, dog blood novel. Before him lay five highly toxic relationship plotlines with the same shou but different gongs. s*um Gong 1: Master-servant contract with physical and mental ab*se aplenty s*um Gong 2: Carving out one of your kidneys for the white moonlight s*um Gong 3: Brainwashing/reconditioning shame play s*um Gong 4: You’re nice but unfortunately not clean enough s*um Gong 5: Save him and I can marry you Yan Shuang: He’s eager to retire already, hurry up ba