When the Protagonist of a Melodramatic Article Hears Me Complaining

I’m just an insignificant side character who transmigrated into a ridiculously over-the-top dog-blood novel. This novel is the ultimate collection of melodramatic tropes, and to drag it out, the author even included over ten couples! A whopping eight million words! Some of the main pairings include: • The Broken-Mirror-Reunion Couple: The protagonist gong and shou separate without a clear reason. The shou mistakenly believes the gong has a “white moonlight” (an unforgettable first love), leading to a ten-year separation. • The Mutual-Unspoken-Crush-Turned-Enemies Couple: They misunderstand each other at a critical moment, turning from lovers into bitter rivals, tearing each other apart—sometimes literally. • The Tragic-Masochist Shou & s*umbag CEO Gong Couple: The shou watches as the CEO cheats on him, then leaves in tears, secretly pregnant with the CEO’s child. Meanwhile, I’m just a plain and ordinary side character. I hold all the plot knowledge (completely useless), and my daily routine consists of sipping tea and watching the drama unfold. I’m: • A classmate of the Broken-Mirror-Reunion Couple. • A gofer assistant in the Enemies-to-Lovers Gone Wrong Couple. • The messenger butler in the s*umbag CEO & Tragic Shou Couple. My greatest wish? To leave this melodramatic world. (Folds hands in prayer.) I thought I just needed to quietly make it through the eight-million-word plot and I’d be free. But one day, the world changed. * During the critical “broken mirror” moment, when Protagonist Gong 1 and Protagonist Shou 1 bid farewell at the airport—one heading toward the departure gate, the other toward the exit— I sipped my bubble tea, putting on a facade of helplessness and sorrow. [So what if your family went bankrupt and sent you abroad to escape? Why can’t you just say it outright? Is this white moonlight substitute play really necessary?] Gong 1 & Shou 1: …Who’s talking? During the Mutual-Unspoken-Crush-Turned-Enemies moment, just as Protagonist Shou 2 was about to pull the trigger in a final standoff— I, the gofer assistant, had one earbud in, listening to music, my expression solemn and composed. [Oh, come on, Gong 2 really didn’t do it. He got set up. And all because of his s*upid pride! Why can’t he just admit it? Men and their ego—always harder than their d—] Shou 2’s gun nearly misfired: Huh? Gong 2, horrified: Huh?! When the s*umbag CEO was gloating and dropping his trademark hurtful lines, while the Tragic Shou was heartbroken— I, the messenger butler, kept a straight face, but internally, my thoughts were a raging sea. [Keep insulting him. The more you curse, the faster he’ll run.] [Wait… does this s*umbag really think the shou still likes him? Where does he get this confidence? What kind of delusion makes him believe someone he insulted this much would stick around?] [Man, s*umbags are just like horses—give them a little piss to drink, and they start prancing around like crazy. …Wait, they actually get a happy ending? Well, congrats, I guess.] s*umbag CEO: …What the hell was that noise? * I thought my life would continue peacefully like this, but suddenly, all the protagonists started seeking me out. • Shou 1 asked me about Gong 1 and his “white moonlight.” • Shou 2 and Gong 2 wanted to know their rival faction’s next move. • Even the s*umbag CEO started consulting me for advice?! It was like they thought I was some all-knowing oracle. And then things got even worse. The final boss of this dog-blood novel—the ultimate villain feared by all the protagonists—set his sights on me. But he wasn’t here to kill me. He seemed… mentally unwell. * The nth time he blocked my way, he cornered me and demanded, “Where are the boundaries of this world?” At that moment, I realized—he might have discovered my secret. Still, I remained calm. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Internally: [OH MY GOD WHY DOES HE KNOW?!] The villain narrowed his eyes, resting his hand on my neck. “I have a short temper.” [OH MY GOD HOW WOULD I KNOW?!] My gaze drifted across his sharp features and strong, muscular arms. I spaced out for a moment. […He’s actually kinda hot.] The villain hesitated slightly. Villain: ? # CAN YOU PLEASE STOP ZONING OUT? # IS THIS REALLY THE TIME FOR THAT THOUGHT? A chatterbox, oblivious, deadpan shou × A tsundere, sharp-tongued, secretly smitten gong